Photo credit: David Stewart
100 Word Flash Fiction
Breathless
I fell under her spell at first glance; a gamine debutante and a ragged jazz player with no future. As our story unfolded, the music allowed no divide, every mournful note of her violin was answered by the soulful sigh of my sax.
The air in the bandstand sparkled and we were one. Her bow and my breath, would collide, creating magic.
The symphony of our lives was a treasure until the last stanza. My Mary was laid to rest today. No music can reach me. The band may play on but I am breathless and she and her violin will always mourn.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For more flash fiction see The Friday Fictioneers here.
What's for dinner, Doc? 
Beautiful how the music and their life intertwines in this story…Glad they got to the last Stanza!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We should all play on because we never know when the last stanza will come.
LikeLiked by 1 person
what a love story
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just love the metaphor and use of language: excellent!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Mick,
Thank you. I’m smiling over your praise.
Tracey
LikeLike
Dear Tracey,
Did you write this wonderful story while basking in the Maui’s sweet sunshine and balmy breezes? At the end of your tale I felt myself hesitate and begin to tear up, so perfectly did you tug at my heartstrings. Their music lives in my heart now, and yours too. Very well written.
If you get a chance, look to the east and wave. I’ll be watching you.
Aloha,
Doug
LikeLiked by 1 person
Doug,
Yes, too bad I can’t stay. The words and the music flow more easily here. I know why you live in paradise. I’m glad you felt the pull of my words. I hope my protagonist finds his breath once more. Thinking of anyone sleeping under a gazebo leaves me breathless. Good take on the prompt this week.
Mahalo, Tracey
LikeLike
Dear Tracey,
Musical and poignant. I’m captured by a well-played violin every time and a well-written story. You’ve certainly given us the latter. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Rochelle for hearing my music.
Tracey
LikeLike
This is so beautiful and heart touching. I truly felt I could hear music as I read your story. A mourning violin and breathless tears.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Joy. I heard the music too when I started to write. I also noticed lots of gray hair which made me think of long lost loves and a flash love song was born. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You did an excellent job writing it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You had me smiling and falling in love with images of a gamine jazz violinist and then you made me cry with your last four sentences…
LikeLiked by 1 person
It sounds like it was a flash love affair for you and I’m glad. I’m smiling at your lovely comment. Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautifully sad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And yet, I like to think that they lived fully before they parted.
Thank you Dawn
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tracey this is just perfect. You hit the romantic in me straight away and I imagined them dancing to their own music though the years. What a great start to my Friday! – Dee
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Dee. I’m romantic at heart. No better way to start a Friday than with romance.
LikeLike
a gamine debutante, a ragged jazz player – My favorite line although all of this is pitch perfect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pitch perfect, nice praise for a love’s song. Thanks Alicia.
Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
a beautiful and moving tribute to a life well played.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Russell.
LikeLike
Beautiful love story. Just “Soulful sigh of my sax” alone says so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Does a sax have a soul? In this story, I think it does.
Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
i’m a little confused on who really died. was it him or her? “she was laid to rest” and yet he “was breathless.” perhaps the “laid to rest” was a metaphor? because “she and her violin will always mourn.” regardless, it was a beautiful love story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
In the literal sense, she is dead. In the ethereal sense, she will always mourn the fact that he will never play again. In my world, “laid to rest” always means burial but I can see how that could be confused with setting aside a person or a musical instrument or perhaps a love. Thank you for making me see my words through your eyes. He is breathless because grief “takes your breath away” and he refuses to play.
Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
ok, i see it now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, so sad. Beautiful portrayal of a lifelong love affair. Love the musical references.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Margaret. The music bound them and I fear that it was lost with Mary’s death. I do think that he will play again.
LikeLike
I liked that a lot but am a bit daft and as Paridel, require an explanation, ma’am.
“and she and her violin will always mourn.”
SHE? Is that his breath ( I’d have used it if so )?
Or is it really she in which case she and her violin will -be mourned-?
Or should it simply be me as in the narrator?
Maybe a coma after breathless and then :
my sax and her violin will always mouth?
Sorry for the bothersome inquiry, I hope it’s only my inability to catch artistic expression that’s at fault, Tay.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The inquiry is not bothersome. I appreciate the discussion. She is Mary and she is dead. He is breathless because his grief is so painful that he can’t breathe. I have experienced that kind of loss and I literally could not breath sometimes under the weight of the grief. I believe that a person’s spirit lingers after they die or returns occasionally to check on us. If that is true then Mary will play on but she will forever mourn if he never plays the sax again. The other interpretation is that Mary’s music is immortal which is true of great composers and/or recorded music. Did I trust my reader to fill in too many blanks or was the writing itself inadequate?
I’m curious what you think, Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ok, so the explanation itself makes perfect sense including the spirit part but I think personally that you may have trust the reader to fill in too many blanks. That however is not uncommon with 100 words as a limit.
To fit your first interpretation, may I suggest at least adding -forever- behind breathless? That would explain the not to play the sax as a consequence of grief part.
As it is written, I could not have seen this whole context although again that may only be rational little me?
I really would not have made the connection with the mournful of the beginning honestly maybe because of more upbeat words in between as magic and symphony ( all of which are not Pathetic 😉 ) and even debutante, LOL.
I hope that helps, have a great day, Tay.
LikeLike
A lovely story of a beautiful love affair, Tracey. I’m glad their love lasted right up to the last stanza, and only Mary’s death could part them. His grief will be extremely hard to bear.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey Millie,
I added your book to my Kindle samples. Thank you for the nice comments.
Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s really nice to know, Tracey! Thank you so much for wanting to try it. Samples are useful for getting the feel of things. Your own writing is always good and I enjoy reading your stories. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lovely story Tracey, very poetic. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you J.
Tracey
LikeLike
What a very tragic end.. But I guess in the end there is always one to leave first..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Bjorn. I’m afraid that is true of all lasting love affairs. Very few couples die together.
LikeLike
Enjoyed your romantic story of music and love. The last paragraph sums up his pain and loss perfectly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Rachel.
LikeLike
Really nicely told, romantic yet sad… Great.
KT
LikeLiked by 1 person