It Should Matter
All the words that would never be said swirled down the drain. My pride went with them; grey and dirty and used. My shame was overshadowed by your reflection in the window. Tousled from the night you spent in my bed, not a hint of remorse, you lit a Marlboro with the monogrammed lighter: your initials intertwined with hers.
I suppose I should have asked. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
Did you lie or did I? I told you it didn’t matter. It does matter but the words are gone now and I hope you’ll go with them.
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What's for dinner, Doc? 
I really like this – how you’ve used the drain and the window and the lighter to explain the story – really clever use of objects. And I like the repetition of I suppose. Just a couple of typos – the title just below the picture has ‘matters’ and I think it should be ‘matter’ and the same again in the last sentence.
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Thanks Clare. I liked the grittiness of the objects to match the adultery.
At least my autocorrect is consistent whilst making me look stupid. ha ha
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Fabulous ending – very poetic.
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Thank you
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Wow! Loved this!
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Thanks Lucy.
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My pleasure Tracey 🙂
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I liked the use of the objects too — how these huge sad emotions are tethered to reality by these mundane things she touches. Although “Did you lie or did I?” is my favorite line. Ouch.
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Thanks Joy. Nothing like the reality of the next day coupled with the lies we tell ourselves – I’m guessing.
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I love the bitterness seeping out of this story.
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Yes, I think most of the bitterness is directed inward.
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“All the words that would never be said swirled down the drain” and “my pride went with them.” This piece excellently captures the sense of self-disappointment at one’s acts and behaviors. Even if he goes, she can’t get away from herself.
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Exactly my point Perry. Thank you for saying it so eloquently.
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Beautifully done Tracey. The ‘swirling down the drain’ was a master stroke, making the encounter seems as tacky as she clearly thought it now. Typo ‘you lite’?
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I’m glad you liked it Sandy. Typo be gone ! I looked at lite five times and could not figure out what was wrong. (I must have needed a Bud Lite, which is a terrible American beer.)
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A woman scorned – even by herself. 😦
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Exactly. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
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Superbly sordid.
My kind of story.
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I’m really glad that you like it. I’m trying to write out of my comfort zone. What’s next for me, murder or stories with the undead? Uh, probably not. 👼
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I agree with Sandra, should it not be lit instead of lite? I have to agree with everyone above. Superbly written and loved the “Did you lie or did I?” because we sometimes make choices we regret…
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I think people lie to themselves all the time about things that really do matter. I banished the typo. Thanks Dale.
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Ha ha!
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Great title for this dramatic monologue. Excellent writing here – it held me to the bitter end.
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Thanks Patrick. I can only imagine that bitter remorse.
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Great piece, I especially like the first two sentences.
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I like the dirty imagery and lost words. Thanks Ali.
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The image of the intertwined initials on the lighter is a powerful one. I like the subtlety of this story.
Ω
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Thanks Allan. The lighter told the whole story. My character didn’t stand a chance against the permanence of the engraving. Although I don’t think she wanted a chance at a long term relationship. Isn’t it strange how a character can keep secrets from the author?
Tracey
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It is strange how a character’s secrets can surprise an author. I learned that lesson this year in the NaNo challenge.
Ω
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C-I wonder how we could have seen similar (but very different) stories in that image. First person is very effective, and so is the use of the drain. But what I really liked was the monogrammed lighter. And it really should matter.
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I wondered the same thing Bjorn. See my comments on your post.
Yes, it matters.
Thank you
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You’ve captured the reality of the illicit affair. No glamour, just remorse.
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Exactly Jan. Thank you
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Did you lie or did I? That kind of ambivalent bitterness rings so true. Someone should be to blame. I like the use of “should” and “suppose.” No crits – sorry! Great job!
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ambivalent bitterness – what a great juxtaposition
I plan to reuse that phrase some day.
Thank you Amy. I treasure your comments.
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Dear Tracey,
This one’s a stomach twister. I love the way you used the words swirling down the drain. Very well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’m pretty proud of this writing and bonus – it is out of my comfort zone.
Thank you for taking the time to always comment despite bring in the middle of the book launch of “From Silt and Ashes”.
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Lovely, lovely use of metaphors and words…
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Thank you so much for stopping by and for commenting.
Tracey
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I’m like Jimmy Carter, only guilty of lusting in my heart. But I think you painted this picture very well. The remorse and dirty feeling afterward can’t be washed off. Raging hormones have a one-track mind.
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I had to use my imagination too.
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This was very good on many levels – the remorse was captured well and the “did I lie or did you?” really shows the moral gray zone such relationships fall into. Well done story!
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Thank you so much.
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I think they both lied …
I could feel her mixed emotions: confusion and disappointment.
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This week is full of peril for committed relationships! Your story is great and paints the sordid picture well.
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I wonder why a window would evoke failed relationships? Thanks Erin.
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if only it’s that easy. the spirit might be willing, but the flesh is weak.
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Wonderfully told. Her remorse and his lack of it come through strongly. Very thought-provoking.
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I love how flash fiction can say so much in so few words. Thank you
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The sex drive often overpowers common sense.
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Sometimes with dangerous consequences.
Thanks for reading Liz.
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I enjoyed the imagery your story brought.
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Wow, Tracey! This is so powerful! Really edgy narrative and tight story. Really great!
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Thanks Dawn. I’m not sure where it came from but I wrote and posted without any revisions. It just flowed.
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I LOVE when those posts happen! They are so magical.
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Great uses of metaphor, Tracey. I could feel her disgust with herself. Well written. — Suzanne
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Thanks Patricia.
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Yes, I think it’s best that he should go. Great use of descriptive details to set the scene – the lighter is a magical touch. Her voice is powerful – the regret and remorse come through strongly.
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