I’m pretty relaxed about Christmas here in Baja. There isn’t much consumer frenzy, although we do have several street side “pop up” Christmas stores. I shop on line for my kids and ship directly to them since we don’t have reliable mail service. I don’t really miss the shopping mall shuffle but if you’re in the midst of holiday shopping by all means make it an exercise opportunity.
Here’s a few suggestions.
1) Find a parking spot located farthest from the food court. If it makes your kids scream, “Can we get a cab from here Mom?”, then you know that you’ve found the perfect spot.
2) Seek out the hidden stairs and climb them unless they smell like urine and the lights bulbs are missing, then don’t. You don’t want to be forced to run for your life. Be reasonable, shopping is supposed to be fun. Right?
3) Practice your football moves on the kiosks barkers. “Hey unsuspecting mall shopper, got a minute?” If you hear them coming, begin evasive moves, stat. You don’t need another cell phone case with sequined skull and crossbones or hair extensions that look like rodents. You just don’t!
And what’s with the Dead Sea Anti-aging, Anti-oxidant, Anti-wrinkle Face Regenerating Serum being sold by the gum chewing 12 year old? “But ma’am it’s from the Dead Sea, get it?” Block and pivot. “YOU SERIOUSLY NEED THIS!” Keep moving and avoid desperate urge to tackle.
4) Do you even know how many calories you can burn wrestling with a bargain savvy senior who also wants the last size XL glow in the dark Hello Kitty footie pajamas? A lot, just saying, hold your ground, she’ll eventually cave.
5) Carry your own bags and do 10 biceps curls every time you see red. Ignore the stares. People are just jealous of your muscles.
6) Buy power tools for your Mother-in-law. Carrying them is a weightlifting opportunity and she secretly wants a chain saw. But only if she’s forgiven you for taking her son from her. Ok, maybe not something sharp.
7) Do triceps dips while your teen tries on every frigging %#%# party dress in the mall, twice.
8) Do 10 jumping jacks every time your husband asks, “Are we done yet?”
9) Moon walk past every Cinn-a-million-calorie-Bon, Mrs. Anyone’s Cookies, and the scary clowns at The Coney Island, where you can eat a deep fried hot dog on a stick, as if hot dogs alone weren’t a nutritional nightmare. “Do you want fried cheese in gravy with that?” Put down the stick and dance away.
10) Wander aimlessly through every parking lot, preferably in the dark because fear burns more calories, while you try to find your car because you’ve been in the mail for what feels like 3 days and you’re hangry because you avoided all fast junk food and never stopped for the salad you meant to have at lunch because you were dodging kiosks and wrangling your family and going hand to hand with other bargain shoppers.
Good workout amigas.